this weekend was well spent:)

Sat was spent with my fav KG girls, von's 22nd! but so sad i couldn't join them for k lunch! But went for paintball with them, didnt had proper attire. I wore like shit lol. But just dun care in front of my girls. Second attempt at paintball, the previous time was with ACHO at Bintan, didnt get hit at all. And this time round, I got hit like so many times! And it freaking hurts! I got this really big purple, blue black baluku! strawie got one on the head, i guess that hurts more and it's even worse lol. Only wolfie didnt get hit. So fun but chaotic, and seriously the gun or whatever its called is seriously heavy, and the mask was so suffocating. I feel so clumsy in the field hahah. strawie keep chionging, left with von and me at a total loss dunno what to do. I got hit in the face as well, and paint splattered all over my mouth, and I was practically swallowing it. and the martial still said its okie, not toxic and he swallowed a lot of times alr. But it was so uncomfortable at that point of time, paint was practically dripping from my mouth:( But other than that, I really had tons of fun! Need to train to be less clumsy and more nimble hehee. Shall go another time soon! After my big big baluku heals. But tze couldn't join us for that, if not would have been more enjoyable too. Ohh ya and so sad no one wants to be on the same team as me anymore! hmpphh will show them what I'm worth next time hahah. maybe i shld stop screaming that much too lol.

We were all freaking tired after paintball, went to ssc and decided dinner at astons. As usual, shared food, updates with one another and funny jokes hehee. Headed to sun plaza coffee bean after that to chillout. Bought a cake for bdae girl, sang happy birthday song and snapped photos! We dun feel bored doing the same things every time we hang out, as long as all six of us together :)

Was feeling so sian about going school today, and wanted to go meetup with wolfie and strawie to catchup initially. But forced myself to go for the last MSM lecture. Didn't had dinner somemore, only biscuits:( Then when lecture ended, received a missed call from woodie, called back and had a perfectly normal conversation. totally didn't suspect anything. Then when wolfie asked me to call her after lesson, called and then she spoke some rubbish to me haha. Felt a little weird cos normally she won't do that lol. She's always quite straight to the point. So when I was talking to her, and walked out of the lift, I got a shock out of my life. Saw the two piglets and wolfie at the door waiting for me! oh my smurf i was damn shocked and happy! hehee, so touched too. They bought mcspicy for me and gong cha, my fav. although my diet plan failed again, but this time i'll just let it go hahha.

Anyway, so I'm a happy girl today:D

la la la la la la , sing a happy song
la la la la la la , smurf the whole day long~

so feel like catching smurfs another time, and I wanna catch Johnny English and Crazy Stupid Love too!!

Life has still been really mundane. Work, school, eat and sleep. That's like my routine week after week. Plus none of my stupid problems have been solved. The only thing that keeps me going are my loved ones and friends who show care and concern for me. How I wished this difficult period will go away quickly, seriously i feel so tired, not really physically, but more of mentally. I really need a break, to leave this place and enjoy myself for just a few days, but even this, I can't. I can only hope for a better life sighs.

我们都该 回头看看 来时路
就算起风 偶尔有雾 模糊不了幸福
我们都该 在心里数数 感动的次数
谁陪你疯 谁陪你笑 拍拍肩一起追逐

多少爱错过了才看清楚
多少事无法弥扑才认输
多少次以为找到了幸福
却发现一开始就是个错误

每一段路都是一段领悟
珍珠再夺目 留不住心头热呼呼
真心的鼓舞 能温暖一生的旅途
每一段路 难免荆棘密布
把坚持牢牢握住 不怕艰难险阻
学会去爱 就不会迷路

8 months since i last blogged. so many things have happened this year. Suddenly felt the urge to start blogging again, so many things on my mind that I have to voice out if not I think I will just break down. These few months have been really tough for me, had a long list of resolutions for 2011, but nothing was achieved. I feel so useless seriously. Recently, I got back my results and it sucks totally. Flunked two mods and got to retake them. Means one more year for me cos i dont think I can cope with 6 mods in the final year. Cried like nobody's business that day, and so thankful that Mavis can acc me to Clark Quay and sat by the river. Even bought me sticky smileys to cheer me up. I felt better after that, but still my problems are not solved yet, and I believe will never be solved in the near future. Had been feeling so sick for the past few weeks too, until now I still havent recovered. Gonna see a doc again if it still persists.

& just when I thought I had forgotten you, some of the flashbacks keep coming back to me, and you keep coming into my dreams. I told and convinced myself not to, but seems like I still can't. You came back recently, and i just couldn't ignore you, although I know I should just totally ignore and move on.

Sometimes I just feel here I am trying so hard to help but there's a limit that I can help. Even when I tried my very best, it's still not enough, and never enough. I think no one will understand what I'm going through, it seems like there's no one experiencing the same level of pain or situation as me. SO HELPLESS.

But nevertheless, I will not give up. I hope I can be like 林晓如, I wanna be a 坚强的山猪, and I will be.

and so, christmas is over. have always been looking forward to christmas every year, but this year, something seems to be lacking. and a lot of things have been happening and ruining my mood until i dun even have the christmas mood at all. but still, when i thought its gonna be a boring christmas, received quite a few christmas pressies thats enough to make me happier. thanks mavis for the astons treat, nail polish etc, vicki for the cute rabbit pen and sweets, vc5 for the royce chocs, lynn for the marks and spencer gift, poly for the hearts belt(love it), alex for the lip gloss, sina & YH for the body lotion frm calvin klein, esther for the hair clip and bracelet:) and had so much fun during our agency gift exchange and potluck. the food this year was superb, but didnt get to try everything, cos its seriously too much alr hahhas. and hazel's kid brought so much laughter and fun as well, love kids ttm (:

spent my day studying at woodlands lib with mavis ho, had my three meals with her. hhahas. and we were like mumu and momo-ing tgt, watching the same video again and again, and she showed me one really sad one trying to make me more mumu lol. but still, im glad tt i did studied smthg, but i didnt manage to complete wad i wanted. im too slow! and there's seriously not much time left. oh ya, and the thought of the exam timetable really pissed me off. i have two papers in a day, two on 9th may and two on 11th may. how on earth am i gg to take that i seriously have no idea. they think im god or have superb brain cells to cope with that. hate that ttm. angry, paid so much and they anyhow plan, want me to fail and retake so they can earn more money? damn. hais but the prob is there's nothing i can do, that's the most frustrating thing! i can only study hard, but how no time. shld i take leave? i think i need to take at least one month's leave in April. dun wanna sacrifice my studies, yes i should. and for the prelims, at least one week i guess? see how, i may get sacked if i take too much of leave. lol.

so near yet so far~

Today is a happy day, shopping (window shopping to be exact) with bff makes me feel so happy, even though i didnt bought anything. but i still feel happy cos havent really shop for so long. but today was a long day, woke up early in the morn to rush to office to take the pics that i printed out for mavis's scrapbook which i left there on fri. and then to mac to finish up the scrapbook. luckily i had time and i really tried to do it as nice as possible, and wrote a super long letter for her. so mavis ho must be touched okie. hahas. i seldom do handmade stuff. only for certain ppl. lol. off to bugis to shop and she bought presents for her friends, cousins etc. carried all the heavy stuffs over to suntec, i feel like maria. hahahs. thought not that heavy ended up quite heavy. lol. and then went pop book fair and mavis ho got nothing to buy surprisingly! and the queue was so long and she only had two pens to buy, so we gave up. went to some IT fair and saw bentink. mavis ho so happy hahhas. lots of pru ppl doing roadshows at suntec, like everywhere. and then when we were so tired of walking ard, we decided to go eat, and ashtons was it. first time there, and not bad. thanks for the treat! and then went mac to pass her the scrapbook, camwhore and chatting. its all the simple things that make me happy, at least let me forget my troubles for a day:D

and i wish for a better day tomorrow:)

i hate it.

hate it when u always quarrel with me cos of a stranger.

hate it when u always side her and nvr side me.

hate it when you never explained the reason why i'm avoiding her but instead put me in a bad light.

hate everything about her now.

and i will hate her even more now.

i so wanna watch harry potter and rapunzel, but damn just when i got a lot of movies i wanna watch (it's rare) then stupiak things will start cropping up and i cannot watch. sighs. so damn sian! i've always loved dec, the last month of the year will make me feel hopeful for the new upcoming year. and the thought of christmas as well makes me so happy and excited, this month is supposed to be a very happy month but end up it isnt! it got me all stressed up. sighs. but im gonna overcome it, and i will. thinking hard of smthg to look forward to that will make me more happier. i think food makes me happy? i kp drinking woobee nowadays, so damn fattening. there's this one day that i think i ate non-stop and was super full till i can vomit seriously. anw i still have to go shop for a lot of christmas pressies, for KG, mavis and also my office christmas exchange. stress stress, what to get? this weekend have to settle at least a few of it. have to. and i wanna come up with my own christmas wishlist here when i have the time. hahas. although i know no one is reading my blog, so thats why i am writing it here. so that i can strike it off if i bought it, gives me a sense of satisfaction hahahas. and i also got to start shopping for some cardigans or jackets for hongkong trip next month with my boss and agency! so excited! wheeeee (:

today is the saddest day of my life. havent felt so sad for ages.

where were you when i needed you? :((